Am I happy with myself? A loaded question, a question that for some can be left open-ended because it’s hard to evaluate yourself and give an honest answer without some leftover trailing negative thoughts (it is even more difficult when you’re in a period of singleness). When we hear self-love and self-care, we generally think of bath bombs, face masks, rewarding ourselves with junk food, and justifying shopping purchases as, “I deserve this” “No one else will treat me, I have to treat myself”. This can possibly lead to unhealthy behavior due to people focusing less on the experience and how it helps you mentally and more on the materialistic aspect of just buying things.
The definition of self-love is defined as the regard for one’s well-being. See, we all at one point or another struggle with loving ourselves and respecting ourselves. Let’s face it, it’s way easier to disregard our own emotions, feelings, and attitudes towards ourselves and others. In the end, however, it leaves more damage than good so how do we ask ourselves and respond to the question: am I happy with myself?
I’ll start first, “am I happy with myself?” Honestly, it’s a work in progress, mainly because I do have my good and bad days. There are days where life feels perfect. I’m content with my appearance, my friendships, my work, and above all couldn’t even fathom the thought of sharing myself with a partner. In turn, there are those days where I question my whole existence and long for someone to magically appear and comfort me. But that’s the thing, you shouldn’t be dependent on anyone for your sole happiness. If you go throughout life placing your importance and general happiness on an individual, it’s not only unfair to yourself but incredibly unfair to them as well.
I was on the phone the other day with my best friend, who’s been a single gal for a couple of months now. When talking about finding happiness within ourselves, she gave me possibly the best analogy to describe what it means to find happiness within herself post break up. “Getting into my last relationship was like driving a sports car, fast, adrenaline rush, and exciting. But I didn’t know how to drive it or how to maintain the car. The brakes weren’t working- a vital part of the car wasn’t working and a four-way stop was coming up and while I was lucky not to crash before but now there’s a family in a minivan up ahead.”
She continued to state that while the sports car is exciting and fun, she needed a safer car and that safe car was her self-love and ability to rely on herself. “Be reliable in yourself. Learning to find my happiness and learning what I love for myself and focusing on myself was learning not to change for anyone. I enjoy being single right now because I see life for myself and not worrying about another person.” Life throws us curveballs. No day is the same as yesterday and you only have one life, body, and soul to roam this earth with. The time is now to grow within yourself, thrive in projects for work, school, or personal endeavors. Focus not on what you feel is wrong with you or your life, but see each day as an opportunity to remind yourself that no one can take away your happiness and security in who you are and what you contribute to your loved ones lives as well as your own life.