Taking the steps necessary to move on is vital to the healing process. Learning to let go of your former partner sets the tone for your overall journey. In the end, one doesn’t just break up and call it a day.There is a field of obstacles to get through before being fully able to confidently say, “I’m over them”.
First things first – you have to delete them/block them off/from everything. This includes phone numbers, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and whatever else they may have. Don’t forget to unfollow their friends and family too. The last thing you need to see is pictures of them. Rid yourself of mementos of them, whether it be photos, clothes, notes, or any other physical things. If that’s a little bit too hard, get a box and pile all of it in there, tape it up real good, and place it in the farthest corner of your closet until you have the strength to throw it out without a second thought.
Secondly, don’t go to the places you both used to go together. That’s the equivalent to picking at a scab and not letting it completely heal. At that point, you’re just indulging in self-torture. It may seem dramatic, but going back and reliving memories in a place that used to house so much comfort can easily warp your emotions and lead you to contemplate texting them again – which you don’t want. So for now, that park you used to go to with them is off-limits.
Thirdly, give yourself time to cry and allow yourself to be sad. There’s nothing worse than invalidating your own feelings, emotions, and needs. If you have people that shame you for that, don’t go to those people for comfort. It’s only going to end up hurting you more. Go to friends who are helpful, supportive, and above all – aren’t going to belittle your emotions. Find new hobbies to place focus on. Whether it’s painting, photography, or getting to that book you’ve been meaning to read or catch up on that tv tv series that you watched before your relationship – do things that make you happy.
Fourthly, learning to find healthy coping habits is very important. It’s a trial and error phase, but it helps in the long run.
Focus on self-care for yourself. This goes beyond the physical elements of skincare and indulging in savory snacks. (which are fine but not the overall goal or takeaway) It involves going on a daily walk, journaling, listening to self-help podcasts, and literally anything that involves improving and enjoying yourself in your own skin. This is the best and most rewarding self-care.
Lastly, make sure you can accept moving on without guaranteed closure. No one is ever given the closure that they truly deserve. This is due greatly in part because it takes a large amount of empathy to accept faults, realize those faults, and apologize for them. It’s easier to go through life blaming others, rather than sitting down and picking at ourselves for what we could’ve done better. You shouldn’t expect ex-partners to give you closure, so you have to give it to yourself. This can be done in different ways. There is no perfectly paved road on how to achieve closure. It looks different for everyone, and while it is a difficult process, it is achievable with time and patience.
