How often do you give yourself to someone physically? Think about it for a minute. It’s common for people within this generation, as well as the generation before, to “hook-up” with someone without really getting to know that person. Do you have a dating app on your phone? If so, do you truly have genuine conversations there? Most people you might ask this question usually claim they do not take dating apps seriously and it’s out of curiosity.
Oftentimes, the curiosity people have towards dating apps alters their perception of those they meet. This causes them to act differently in person. Some people are judgemental of who they meet on dating apps, though it is understandable why they are. It’s because those apps are meant for you to judge and choose someone who might meet your standards – whether it’s physically or mentally. However, not many people focus on the mental side of it, which is one of the most important parts of a person. A person’s mental state or even just their personality allows you to determine how you will connect with them. With dating apps, some people skip reading the short bio you can include to describe yourself and focus more on their pictures or what their social media displays.
Because people might focus more on looks rather than body – whether it is on a dating app or even at a club or party – they forget the standards they hold for who they might want to be physically intimate with. Take Tinder for example. According to Esquire, about 60% of female Tinder users say they’re not just looking for a hook-up, but a meaningful match as of 2017. It has most likely increased based on the fact that more than 50% use the app out of pure boredom, proving they do not take it seriously.
One of the most important questions to ask ourselves when participating in dating through apps or in person is, “Should I give myself to this person intimately?” and if so, why should you? People often do not think of the reason why they do it before even acting on it. There is more action than expression. This also has to do with miscommunication. How you treat someone you want to be intimate with without knowing them tells you how ready you are to be physically intimate. There are multiple ways one might act if they are not ready. The following ways illustrates how one can come across as unprepared:
- Pressure
If someone pressures you into being physically intimate, they are clearly not mature enough to be acting on it. Usually when they do put on the pressure, it’s for a selfish reason. A lot of the time, it has to do with validation. That validation might be desired from oneself, others, or even the person they might want to become intimate with. Make sure to ask someone why they feel the need to rush or force something to happen in that way, if they pressure you.
- Uncertainty
Now this is pretty obvious. If someone seems confused, unsure, or hesitant, they are definitely not ready to be pursuing that act. That is one of the biggest red flags. Uncertainty is never good in that scenario because it coincides with insecurity. If you feel insecure doing something, there’s a part of you that still needs some work from within before doing something you’re not sure is for you yet.
- False Actions
When someone seems to be all talk yet no action, or shows signs of wanting to act on it, they are not ready. You have to make sure their body and mind are in sync. Communicating how you see them acting on it will be beneficial to the intimate relationship. This is one idea most people seem to forget to do or don’t care enough to do. Our generation is so used to communicating through technology, it has made it more difficult to communicate our feelings towards someone face to face. It’s important to communicate properly and express how you feel as soon as you feel it so you can figure out where you and your intimate partner may stand together.
Having knowledge on how to interact with someone in general is needed to better any romantic or intimate relationship you encounter. When you discover how to communicate with everyone properly, regardless of how you met them and how they are, it will allow you to prosper in more ways than one. It’s essential to remember to self-reflect and re-evaluate why we act in situations the way that we do.
Thumbnail by: Kari Shea
