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Getting Over An Ex: Don’t Go Back To Them

Most things in life are easier said than done. It is easy to say, ‘I will start my diet tomorrow’ ‘I’ll finish that paper tonight’ ‘I won’t eat that last slice of pizza’ now unless you are an individual that has the will power of Thor you stick to your guns; but for a large majority of us normal folk, that small ounce of willpower is lacking, and —while in some cases it’s not as harmful— in the context of getting over an ex-partner, it is very much a detrimental indicator that will power is scarce. 

Breakups are hard, point-blank. After you spend an obscene amount of time with one individual for a lengthy period of time, they know your fears, likes, dislikes. You both know each other’s friends, family, post about each other on social media. This sole individual who was once this stranger becomes your whole world and then— in what feels like a blink of an eye— they’re gone. What’s left are the Snapchat memories, the places you both used to frequent together, and above all the security of what they gave you is no longer present. Along with losing them, a part of you leaves with them as well, and you’re left to pick yourself up.

From personal experience— and the accounts of friends— there are a series of steps to getting over a breakup, seven to be exact: 

  1. Denial 
  2. Anger
  3. Sadness 
  4. Jealousy and competitiveness 
  5. Apathy
  6. Acceptance
  7. Hope

Now, this post isn’t dedicated to helping to get over a breakup; it’s geared towards getting over an ex, and while you can go through all the steps successfully, that person could send one text, pop up randomly at the store, or even friend you on Instagram and all that hard work evaporates right in front of you. Now it can be argued that you didn’t “try hard enough” but that isn’t a good argument. As humans, we like comfortability. Change is uncomfortable and when the opportunity to go back to something that brought comfort or familiarity is present, we can’t help but go back to it. 

They know you. You know them. You know each other and above all,  there’s this sense of hope that maybe things will be different this time. That if you both work hard for each other, you’ll get that happy ending— the happy ending that you deserve. That is wishful thinking, remember they’re an ex for a reason, no one deserves to place themselves back in a box that’s been outgrown. Going back to them doesn’t change them or yourself. You both don’t automatically trust, love, and enjoy each other the way you did before, that dynamic was lost the moment you both broke up. This is the knowledge that deep down you know, it’s just incredibly hard to accept especially when you want to prove it wrong.

Going back to them won’t solve any problems, in the end, it will hurt you and will continue to hurt, if you allow yourself to keep going back to your ex as a never-ending cycle. So the best advice to take is this, move on from that past relationship—that last person because, in the end, it becomes debilitating, tiring as well as sets you up for failure in possible future relationships. You can’t outrun bad habits, if you allow yourself to run back into the arms of the ex, you aren’t fooling anyone but yourself.

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