Learn to Love Yourself and Your Days of Singularity

Everyone is trying to find the perfect match for them. We have evolved to find a partner from meeting in bars, parties and work to an online platform that may facilitate the talking stage. Yet, as we search for love, there appears to be taboo within the phases of being single. When did being single begin to terrify people for just being by themselves? I’ve known people that haven’t been able to go single for longer than a year, and when I ask why they say they don’t like being alone. However, how horror-stricken can being single be? Is it an actual state of being lonely, or does it depend on how lonely we make it? 

I’ve been single for four years now, and I will admit, there are times where I’ve felt alone. Nevertheless, I’ve learned how to better this feeling. Living a single life is more than just being or feeling alone; it’s about exploring ourselves. Through these years, I’ve learned how to be single and surrounded by love from my friends and family. The following concepts are I’ve learned that may help you make the most of your single days. 

1. Get to Know You

When in a relationship, your focus may center around your partner and your relationship. There is a new person in your life, and you are ready to explore, love, and be there for them at all times. Many might lose themselves when the relationship ends. Therefore, the best thing to do when being single is to get to know yourself. Ariana Grande said: 

“Plus, I met someone else 

We’re havin’ better discussions…  

But this one gon’ last 

‘Cause her name is Ari 

And I’m so good with that”

in her single “Thank U, Next.” Grande is in the right here; get to know who you are now that you’ve grown from your relationships. You are certainly not the same person you were before the relationship started. Now, as a single individual, it is time to reconnect. Give yourself the time to learn your flaws and perfections. Find more confidence in yourself and knowing what you do and don’t like. Have “better discussions” about your present and future. Discuss your goals and aspirations. Finding a better relationship with yourself will eventually elevate your relationship with any future partner. 

2. Treat Yourself

If quarantine has taught us anything, it is the power of treating yourself. Many of us went through the pandemic single or might have gone through a breakup. A way of staying sane during these challenging times was giving ourselves time to relax. Finding a way to treat yourself may be as simple as having a spa day or meditating. Such activities will help you find inner peace and connect with yourself. Another way to treat yourself is by watching a movie, starting a new series, and maybe going out for a nice dinner with friends. Doing so will help you clear and refresh your mind. 

3. Enjoy Your Friends 

One thing friends may say once you become single is how much they’ve missed you. In certain relationships, you or a friend might be so dedicated to their partner that they may not have as much time to be with their friends. Of course, other factors also play a role, such as work and school. Yet, now that you are single, it is the best time to spend more time with your friends. Maybe even make new friends. Exploring other relationships while being single helps you gain experiences and adventures. Plan a trip with a friend or a close family member. A friend can be the perfect partner to try out something new. 

4. Freedom/Autonomy

When discussing with friends what aspect of their single life they like the most, freedom always made its way into the discussion. However, freedom has many different meanings for each person. For one friend, it meant having space; for another autonomy; and for the third, it meant building a solid foundation on their own before letting someone else in their life. Being single gives you the freedom to put yourself first and be unapologetic about your mistakes. It allows you to understand your space and boundaries for when you are ready to enter a relationship. Maybe there are places and activities you want to explore on your own. As a single person, you have the freedom to do everything you desire without compromising a partner. Sometimes being single gives you the freedom to understand yourself and your career path. Let this time be one to solidify your goals and positions within your field or company. Giving yourself this freedom to grow will allow the best version of yourself to be ready for a better relationship. 

5. Love Yourself

Even though it may sound like a cliché, you must love yourself before someone else can love you. As we explore our single life, the most important thing to do is learn to love ourselves. There is beauty within all of us, and for others to see it, we must see it first. The love we feel for ourselves will soon project outside for others to witness. Start by being patient with yourself. Give yourself time to heal from your previous relationship and observe how you’ve grown. Love your quirks and imperfections. Figure out what makes you most confident in your skin. Lucille Ball once said, “Love yourself first, and everything else falls into place.” Sometimes relationships fail due to our insecurities or because there is more growth to be done alone. With this quote in mind, being single is about learning a new type of love. Love yourself before anyone else, and soon someone will love you for who you are. 

Let us get rid of this ominous shadow that follows single people around. These stages of our lives are what allow us to become the person we need to be. There is nothing wrong with being single, and it certainly does not mean you are going to be single forever. Enjoy your days of singularity and learn to love yourself. Others will notice this change and you will always attract better people into your life.