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The Five Love Languages

Dr. Gary Chapman has discovered five types of languages each individual can identify with when it comes to love. In his book What Are the 5 Love Languages, Dr. Chapman dives into the love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. 

As each of us leans towards a specific love language, it is crucial to comprehend what each entails. Achieving clarity in this aspect of your relationship helps strengthen the connection and communication between you and your partner. Each individual’s love language is unique to the self, and it is safe to say most partners will not share the same love language. To improve our understanding, let’s explore these five love languages, beginning with quality time. 

Partners who identify with the love language of quality time feel more loved when their significant other can be with them at any given opportunity. However, the most important quality they look for in a partner is for someone who can listen and keep eye contact. This form of communication allows quality time lovers to feel appreciated and as though their time is valued. 

To follow, specific individuals feel most loved when words of affirmation are assured by their significant other. This type of love language wishes to obtain reassuring words from their partner. Not only about their relationship, but for themselves as well. If your partner falls within this language, the best way to demonstrate your love is by making your appreciation and admiration noticed. Being able to acknowledge their hard work throughout the week or even the simple act of thanking them for taking out the trash will make a difference. Sometimes, our partners simply want to hear the words “thank you” or “I am proud of you” so that they can feel noticed and loved. 

Gifts are the third love language. Receiving gifts is an act that we all like to participate in when it comes to the holidays, birthdays, valentine’s day, and anniversaries—however, those who fall into this love language view gifts as equivalent demonstrations of love. If your partner resonates most with this category, they feel most loved when you can find them the perfect gift. Nevertheless, this gift by no means needs to be extravagant. It is the smallest gift that may express the most sentimental value. Therefore, pick any day to give your partner a flower, candy, or something that simply reminds you of them. Such an act will strengthen your relationship and assurance of love. 

Coming in fourth, we have acts of service as a love language. A partner who feels most loved in this type of language will appreciate it when their significant other is there to help them. Acts of service are those in which we help our partners throughout the day with chores or allow them to take a break. For example, if your partner tends to cook dinner but has demonstrated high levels of stress, maybe it’d be best to allow them to rest while you do the cooking. Such a small gesture will affirm your love for your partner. 

The final love language is something most human beings crave in a relationship- physical touch. This love language draws back to the beginning of our lives when as babies, our parents showcased their love by carrying, kissing, and cuddling. When a person’s primary love language is physical touch, they crave their partner’s love through kissing, hugging, holding hands, and sexual intimacy. Having physical contact with your partner will help exemplify your love for them. These actions may include holding their hand while shopping, resting on their lap while watching a movie, or a spontaneous kiss. It may have been difficult to express our love throughout this pandemic through physical touch, especially for those distant from their partner. Nevertheless, affirming your partner through a video call will feel much closer to the touch than a regular call. 

Now that we’ve dove into each love language, it is essential to understand that each individual will fall into different languages. Being capable of understanding your partner’s love language will allow your relationship to flourish. Giving words of affirmation to someone whose love language is acts of service may cause a disconnection in the relationship. No matter how much you affirm your love, actions will speak louder than words for them. It is vital to understand your partner and observe which language they fall in with this in mind. Explore each love language and observe their response. However, it doesn’t have to be a mystery; if you’re having difficulty identifying their love language, have a conversation with them. Open up about the love language that makes you each feel most loved. Finding your love language will help your partner understand you and vice versa and allow you to grow within the relationship as best you can.

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