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What To Do When You Have An Asexual Partner

The term “asexual” is still seen as taboo for many people. In fact, there are people who still don’t understand what it means or simply think that it’s not valid or doesn’t exist. It doesn’t help that resources and representation are very limited when it comes to finding information on asexuality, despite the fact that nowadays more people are bringing more awareness by becoming an advocate or creating content about asexual people. Despite that, what happens if your partner is asexual? What are the things you can do? PLEASE NOTE: THESE ARE NOT JUST LIMITED TO ONLY ASEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS.

1.Talk with them 

This may seem like a no-brainer, but communication is key when you have an asexual partner. Usually, they will let you know before you start dating that they are asexual; however, sometimes people don’t realize they’re asexual for a really long time. In either case, it is important to talk to them about what they’re comfortable and uncomfortable with. What kinds of boundaries do they have? What kinds of things are the two of you willing to do? Are there any sorts of compromises to be made? All of these are things you and your partner need to make clear in order to make the relationship work? 

2. Research

Even though resources are limited, there are quite a few videos, blogs, and other resources you can use to learn about asexuality (such as The Asexual Visibility and Education Network, YouTube, and many more). Knowing that an asexual person’s partner is putting in the effort to learn and understand them and their needs will certainly make them happy. The reason why asexual people are still seen as taboo and are even frowned upon is because many people don’t try to understand them. The misconception of asexuality (if you are not asexual or have experience with someone who is) is rather one-dimensional. It can fit several lifestyles and mean different things to different people. Knowing that you are trying to understand them will definitely make the day of an asexual person. While your asexual partner can explain their own sexuality and preferences, please have in mind that asexuality is different for everyone. 

3. Validate their emotions & needs

While this may seem obvious, there are times where a person can easily forget to do so. Depending on the person, their way of viewing sex can vary. Some asexuals don’t mind having sex every once in a while whereas others are entirely sex-repulsed. Then there are certain asexuals who are still questioning or are in denial. Validating their emotions and needs definitely will make things easier for both you and your partner in having a healthy relationship. 

4. Establish Boundaries

What are certain things your partner is comfortable with? Are they willing to have sex with you every once in a while or do they only want to kiss and cuddle? More importantly, what are YOU comfortable with? If the thought of not being able to have sex is a bit daunting, there are certain compromises you can do. Among them, you can maybe be in a polyamorous relationship or have certain sexual activities your partner is comfortable with, or see if mostly masturbating will also work for you. It all depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with. The worst thing you can do is try to convince them to do something they’re not comfortable with. Once again, communication is key. 

5. Enjoy Every Second

This goes without saying but enjoy the relationship. Just because one element isn’t necessarily there, doesn’t mean that your partner isn’t interested in you. You can enjoy many things like any normal couple—because that’s what having an asexual partner is: a normal relationship just without the sexual aspect of it. Having an asexual partner doesn’t mean you can’t do fun things like watch movies together, play video games, or cook together. Like any other relationship, just have fun and enjoy it to the fullest. 

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